Don’t Set Yourself Up For Failure In The New Year

Why New Year’s Resolutions Set You Up for Failure

Every January we’re encouraged to do the same thing: make a big declaration, set a strict goal, and promise ourselves we’re going to be a brand new person the moment January 1st ticks into place. Psyching ourselves up for it feels great. We feel hopeful and are working off clean slate energy, but here’s what I’ve noticed, looking back on social media posts and speaking with friends it would seem anyone who makes a New Year’s resolution is destined to fail. Not because they are lazy. Not because they don’t want it enough, but because the whole setup is built on pressure, perfection, and an unrealistic version of real life.

Why resolutions backfire so easily

I’ve come to the conclusion resolutions come from “I should” energy.
Most resolutions aren’t born from inspiration. They’re born from guilt, comparison, or that nagging feeling that I am falling behind. When a goal starts with pressure, it doesn’t feel like a gift to myself. It feels like a demand.

How many times have we all said…
“I’m going to work out every day.”
“I’m never eating sugar again.”
“I’m going to get my life together.”

Indeed, we have all been there. The intention is right but these intentions don’t leave room for being human. A stressful week, a sick day, a family situation, a heavy emotional load… and suddenly the resolution feels impossible. Then it turns into disappointment. Then we quit.

Of course society doesn’t help. Everything in life is turned into pass or fail.
One missed day becomes “I ruined it.”
A small slip becomes “I can’t stick to anything.”
And that’s where the real harm is. Resolutions don’t just fall apart, they can make you feel like you’re the problem.

Another reason they don’t work is they rely on willpower instead of support.
Willpower runs out. That’s normal. I know I struggle daily depending on where I am emotionally. We all do, especially when we’re tired, stressed, overwhelmed, or already carrying too much. If our plan depends on white knuckling our way through the year, it’s going to feel exhausting fast and when that happens we shut down.

So if resolutions aren’t the answer, what is?
I’m a big believer in you don’t need a dramatic transformation to make changes. You need momentum. You need something you can actually carry with you when life gets messy.

This got me thinking and, if you know me, you know  I love a good rabbit hole. This time, though, I used it to my advantage. I realized that every client session I’ve held has helped me too. All the struggles, honest discussions, and brave decisions they have made have shown me the same truth again and again: it’s always easier, and far more sustainable, to take small steps forward.

So if you’re finding yourself at odds with your New Year’s resolution, try giving these tips a whirl. They’re designed to help you stay grounded, stay encouraged, and keep moving forward into the year ahead.

1) Pick a theme for your goal

Instead of a checklist of things you “must” do, choose a theme. A simple guiding thread you can come back to again and again.

Examples:

  • Peace
  • Steadiness
  • Confidence
  • Simplicity
  • Nourishment
  • Momentum
  • Courage
  • Self Care

What I have discovered is setting a theme is helpful because it works on both good days and hard days.

Another question to ask ask yourself:

  • What do my energy levels look like today?
  • What supports peace this week?
  • What’s the simplest next step?

2) Set minimums you can actually keep

The most common thread that I keep returning to, is that most people set goals based on the version of themselves that seems to have endless time and endless energy. That is certainly NOT realistic at all.  What if you set goals for the version of you who is living a real life.

How many times have we LIED to ourselves when saying… I will

  • “work out five days a week” → instead try 10 minutes of movement, three days a week
  • “write every day” →  instead try five minutes or one page
  • “eat perfectly” → instead try add one supportive choice per day
  • “save big money” → instead try and save $10 each week

You can now move forward understanding Minimums are powerful because they are easier to maintain and build consistency, and consistency builds confidence.

3) Build a system so you don’t have to “start over”

I love goals, but if you are like me, goals alone do not don’t carry me.  I found creating a simple system that is based on a minimum actually works!

A system can be something as simple as:

  • a calendar reminder
  • a set time of day
  • a space in your home that supports the habit
  • a weekly reset routine

The question I like to ask is:
How can I make this easier to do on a normal Tuesday?

If it only works when you’re motivated, it’s not a system. It’s a mood, and in order for a system to work you have to build momentum and stick to it. It’s not a monumental goal.

4) Focus on identity, not just outcomes

For me this next tip changes everything. Understanding how to reassess what you say to yourself,  so you can frame the outcome in your favour.

Instead of “I want to lose weight,”  Say:
I’m someone who takes care of my energy.

Instead of “I want to be organized,” Say:
I’m someone who resets my space daily.

Instead of “I won’t punch that person in public and become a meme. ” kidding aside, Say:
I will take a deep breath to create pause before I react.

and you should ask yourself:
What would that version of me do today, even in the smallest way?

Small actions of creating space in the moment become proof. Proof becomes belief. Belief becomes change.

5) Think in small increments, not in forever

One thing I am certainly not game for is planning ahead for an entire year. It is far too overwhelming and heavy. It also sets us for certain failure. Instead start small, a few days in advance, a week and maybe even a month. Once you get a handle on how you react emotionally you can begin to plan ahead for longer period of times.

Try planning in small increments:

  • What’s my focus for the next three days?
  • What small habits support it?
  • What needs adjusting as I go?
  • Can I plan for the week or even two weeks ahead?

This minimal planning gives you structure without trapping you in a plan that doesn’t fit your emotional head space.

A simple way to start the New Year

So instead of overwhelming yourself try the keep it simple approach… I don’t like the KISS method. When Stupid is part of the result it never benefits anyone. So, in a nice little digestible bundle the five tips below will keep you moving forward.

  1. Choose a theme for the year, the month, the week, or even the day.
  2. Pick 3 intentions you want more of in the new year (more calm, more energy, more clarity, more steadiness, etc.)
  3. Choose one tiny habit to build on for each intention.
  4. Decide what “done” looks like. Not perfect, just done, and done should give you satisfaction not stress.
  5.  Keep everything small, and doable.

and that’s how momentum is built.

Knowing you can is the kinder truth.

You don’t need a New Year’s resolution to be worthy of change. You don’t need a harsh plan to prove you’re trying, and you don’t need to bully yourself into becoming someone else.  Instead choose a kinder, gentler approach. One that’s supportive, realistic, and one that actually lasts. Start small. Stay consistent. Keep moving.

That’s momentum…and momentum will keep you going in the direction of your choosing.

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